I'm working on some other projects right now, so at the moment I can't come up with any of the moderately-amusing-to-me-and-no-one-else hijinx that have made this blog so beloved. So I thought I'd post about my day.

6:45 - wake up 15 minutes before alarm goes off, think up self-serving justification to set alarm back 15 more minutes (I'll take an alternate route to save time, take a really short shower, work 10 minutes later, etc.)

6:48 - set alarm back 15 minutes. Fail to go back to sleep, stay in bed until alarm goes off anyway.

7:15 - get up/shower/dress/etc. Fail to do any of the bullshit rationalizations I came up with for moving the alarm back.

7:45 - leave for work. Amount of expletives used during commute: 26.

8:40 - show up 10 minutes late for work. No one notices or cares. Start to wonder how long I could disappear before my employer would quit paying me.

8:40-10:40 - work. I'm on autopilot. Don't remember anything.

10:40 - painfully awkward conversation with person at client's office, reminding me why I never talk to anyone. Start fantasizing about becoming creepy loner living in a backwoods shack. Realize I'm at least halfway there already, but I lack the ability to grow the really scraggly kind of facial hair I'd need to pull that lifestyle off.

10:40-11:30 - work. Keep self sane by playing Buzzcocks' "Everybody's Happy Nowadays" over and over again in head. Realize this is probably not the best way to retain one's sanity.

11:30-12:00 - lunch, sammich/chips/etc., eating for subsistence only, don't really enjoy it.

12:00-5:00 - work. On autopilot again, while fantasizing about having another job (pretty much anything else) or faking my own death and assuming a new identity.

5:00 - commute back home. Expletives used on commute home: 19.

6:13 - attempt to put faking-death plan into action. Realize that I don't have anything to use for a fake corpse except for a bag of Fritos Flavor Twists and the cushions of my couch, abandon plan. Realize that I could have it much worse and I should be grateful for my relatively fortunate station in life. Hate self for settling for so little.

6:18 - Realize that 99% of my thoughts for the day have centered around myself. Try to think about someone or something else for a change. Get bored and resume self-absorption.