What if the New York Post headline writers were assigned to write about classic movies? I think it would go…a little something…like this:

- MAN SNAPS AFTER MOM NAG
- CHIMP TO NEW YORK: DROP DEAD!
- PRINCESS/MIDGET SEX RING
- PUNK HELD IN SMALL TOWN STAB CASE
- SINGING, DANCING ERUPTS AT PR GANG FIGHT
- NEWS MOGUL CROAKS, LAST WORD PUZZLE
- LOVE TRIANGLE FOILED BY NAZIS
- THREE SUSPECTS FINGERED IN JAP MURDER
- COLLEGE GRAD, MOM IN SEX ROMP
- TOT NAB IN WITCH SLAY