On today’s front page of the Kansas City Star website (which has probably changed by the time you read this), the top headline (under a heading marked TODAY’S BREAKING NEWS FROM THE KANSAS CITY STAR) is “Puppet Show at Library.” We take you now inside the bustling offices of a major metropolitan newspaper:

“Henderson, what’s the word on the puppet show at the library?”

“I talked to a couple of the kids. Sounds like it was ‘Peter Rabbit,’ but I’m trying to get confirmation from another source. The librarian refused to be quoted on the record.”

“All right, we need that story by 6 pm for tomorrow’s edition. We can’t let the Smithfield Elementary School Gazette beat us to another scoop. Jenkins, what about that bake sale down at the Lutheran church?”

“It’s Tuesday at 7 pm, pies and cakes to be sold, sales to benefit the youth group’s trip to the Harry Truman museum.”

“How about baked goods? Muffins? Rice Krispie Squares?”

“Uh, I’m not sure, boss.”

“Goddammit! Our readers deserve to know the truth! You get that reverend’s wife on the phone this minute, understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Peterson, how about that German chocolate cake recipe?”

“I’ve got the cake recipe ready to print, just called a couple of sources to find out how many eggs go into the frosting.”

“Sounds good. I’ve got to run, I have an exclusive interview at 4 with the man with the fourth largest coin collection in Missouri. You don’t have a story like that fall into your lap every day, I tell you.”