Sunday, July 20, 2003

Attention struggling musicians!

Tired of playing to small, indifferent crowds for beer money? Sick of having that demo tape ignored by each and every record label’s A&R department? It’s time to sign up with the Connecticut School of Singer/Songwriters and join the exciting field of adult album alternative radio! Yes, you could be the next John Mayer or Jack Johnson or Pete Yorn or Howie Day with our proven course. Here’s just some of the many courses we offer:

- Minor Chords - The Musical Equivalent of a Heavy Sigh

- How to Walk the Line Between “Sensitive” and “Total Pussy” (The Leo Sayer Paradox)

- Hair Care and Maintenance: Keeping that Uncombed Yet Carefully Maintained Look (special classes available for bang trimming)

- Songwriting 101 - How to Avoid Writing About Anything Besides Your Own Feelings

- Forces of Nature, Works of Art, and Other Things of Beauty to Compare Women To

- And for established performers with critically acclaimed but commercially unsuccessful bands, our intensive three day seminar will teach you how to smooth out any eccentricities in your sound, shoot a video that’s VH1-worthy and dump your long-suffering girlfriend for a b-list celebrity or model!

So, what are you waiting for? A major label deal and some of that sweet college undergraduate poontang is just a phonecall away!

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