I didn't think it was possible for me to hate John Basedow any more than I already did, but on his most recent commercial he has dyed his hair blonde.

That's it, Basedow. You and I are sworn enemies, and I shall make it my life's work from this point onward to crush you and everything you hold dear. You pissed off the wrong man, mein freund - the last celebrity I committed myself to destroying was Pauly Shore, and look where he is now. Repent now and go back to your true calling of stocking the shelves at a GNC and I just might decide to spare you.