Regrets. I’ve had a few. Please bear with me while I use this forum to purge my soul and relive the great mistakes and missed opportunities of my life:

- I regret every food purchase I’ve ever made at a 7-11.

- I regret ever using the word “horny” outside the context of a Yosemite Sam impression.

- I regret not being in charge of producing the 1996-1997 New York Islanders highlight video, just so I could have called it “Salo and the 120 Days of Soderstrom.”

- I regret that I am neither fit nor famous, only because I want to label myself a "fitness celebrity."

- I regret all of my haircuts from birth to about a year ago. (And, honestly, I’m not too happy about the haircuts from a year ago to now, either.)

- I regret pretty much everything I’ve ever written in this blog. (Except for the Ed Gein joke a couple of weeks ago. That was pretty funny, if I do say so myself.)

- In a similar vein, I regret using so damn many parenthetical sentences. (I can’t seem to stop doing it. (And you knew I was going to go for the predictable joke here, right? (Sorry. This is really a cry for help.)))