Attention television network executives: You need programming. Preferably programming based on a familiar theme, similar enough not to alienate audiences but with just enough differences to avoid provoking a intellectual property lawsuit. Well, here are some surefire programming ideas for the upcoming fall season:

Droogie Howser, MD - A young man is torn between his burgeoning medical career and his allegiance to an ultraviolent street gang.

Gary Gilmore’s Girls - A wacky clerical mishap causes a death row inmate to be granted custody of his teenage daughter. (Don’t miss the season finale, when Gary’s daughter faces losing her eyesight. Will Gary donate his eyes to her after the execution?)

Sex in the Suburbs - Four fashionable thirty-somethings hook up with single guys at the Home Depot, Target and TGI Friday’s.

My Sister Carrie - Sitcom adaptation of the Theodore Dreiser novel. To accurately replicate Dreiser’s expositionary style, each episode is six hours long.

Queer as Filk - A look at the personal lives of a group of gay science fiction convention regulars. As you might expect, not much sex, but plenty of Monty Python jokes and heated arguments about episodes of Babylon 5.

Monk - Mercurial jazz pianist by day, crime fighting detective at night, Monk must overcome his obsessive compulsive disorder and his inability to retain a cabaret card. Guest starring Juliette Binoche as the Baroness Panonnica de Koenigswarter.