(The Vitamin B Glandular Show will resume after this brief public service announcement.)
Hi, I'm Hank Williams, Jr. For years, as the voice behind the Monday Night Football theme song, I've been asking viewers if they're ready for some football. Unfortunately, it seems as though my simple question has gone unheeded. Last year, over 3 million Americans suffered from injuries related to inadequate football preparation (IFP) - everything from couch cramps to sprained remote finger to the dreaded Musberger's Rash. And IFP doesn't discriminate - people from all walks of life have fallen victim, from the president to all my rowdy friends.
That's why I've founded the Hank Williams, Sr. Memorial Clinic for Football Preparation and Rehabilitation. It's named after my daddy, who suffered a near-fatal blockage of the larynx brought on by hot dog inhalation during the 1949 LSU-Tennessee game. It's a place where those stricken with football spectating injuries can work towards their reintroduction into society, as well as a sanctuary where viewers can prepare for watching football in a caring and supportive environment. Together, we can stamp out the horrors of IFP, so our children and our children's children can watch football without fear or pain. I'm Hank Williams, Jr., reminding you to get ready for some football - the life you save may be your own.