Friday, March 19, 2004

I was disappointed to see that Rhea County backed down on its promise/threat to ban gays and Darwinists from its county borders. It's high time that someone stood up against the last three centuries of progress and gave a hearty "fuck you" to the Enlightenment. Other sinful items of our modern age that the county elders wanted to ban:

- the internal combustion engine
- marmosets ("Don't cotton to no tiny fairy monkeys round here. We like our monkeys large and hairy! And wearin' those little hats and ridin' a little tricycle. Cracks me and the missus right up.")
- zippers
- hair products (a known gateway drug to homo-sin-uality)
- Newton's First Law of Motion ("Dammit, objects ain't s'posed ta stay in motion with the same speed unless acted upon by an unbalanced force! It just ain't natural!")
- those little sprinkle things they put on cupcakes
- the Gabor sisters
- the three way light bulb ("One setting ain't good enough for you, fancypants?")

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