Friday, March 26, 2004

Hey, kids! Ever wanted to defend the Bush administration in the national media, but just can't memorize the script or keep up to date on the latest talking points? Help is on the way! Introducing the Karl Rove Phrase-o-Matic! Just select the correct phrase based on the appropriate line of rhetoric the Bush administration is using today, and voila! You'll be misdirecting reporters just like Scott McClellan in no time! Here's just a sample using this week's enemy of the state, former terrorism advisor Richard Clarke:

Richard Clarke is a(n) (embittered failed former bureaucrat/lifelong partisan Democrat/opportunistic shill looking to sell a book). Besides, he (wasn't even in the loop/was in the loop, but no one listened to his advice/advocated failed policies of the Clinton administration). Clarke's criticism on our policy to focus on Iraq after 9/11 is dubious because (terrorists, or countries that terrorists may have lived in, or visited at one time, must be dealt with by force/we were getting to al-Qaeda eventually, just wait until the second term//how dare you question the war? You America-hating, Saddam-hugging appeaser!) Our problem with terrorism isn't due to our pre-9/11 policy, it's the fault of the Clinton administration for (not singlehandedly wiping out al-Qaeda/not invading Iraq/getting a blowjob! Remember how awful that was? He disgraced the White House!) Did we mention that Richard Clarke (was obsessed with the threat of computer viruses/worked for a Democrat for a while/picked up prostitutes in Thailand one time)? It is time that the American people ignore the cheap shots taken by this (opportunist/partisan/unpatriotic dissenter) and focus on the real issues of this campaign, such as (how rugged and manly our President looks in a flight suit/not letting homos get married/John Kerry's botox treatments).

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