Sunday, November 16, 2003


A new videotape aired Sunday on the Arabic news network al-Jazeera is believed to show deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein issuing a strongly worded message to American forces in Iraq and having sex with millionaire hotel heiress Paris Hilton.

"I urge all of my countrymen to resist this illegal and immoral occupation. Until the Americans withdraw from our nation, we cannot peaceably accept a new government. A true government can only come from the will of the Iraqi people," stated Hussein.

Hussein then received fellatio and had sex in several positions with Hilton, apparently in the back seat of a military vehicle.

The tape ran 18 minutes and was interrupted several times for cell phone calls from Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond, Jr. and former RCC Vice Chairman Izzat Ibrahim Al-Duri.

Despite her apparent ties with the former Iraqi leader, American officials have no plans to question Hilton for any knowledge of Hussein's whereabouts.

"Let's be honest, here. Odds are she was so coked out of her mind that she didn't remember anything, anyway. I mean, we can't really expect her to remember much about any of the guys she has sex with," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in a Sunday briefing.

Rumsfeld refused to comment on the persistent rumors of another tape featuring Osama bin Laden, Nicky Hilton and male model Jason Shaw.

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