New feature: the MP3 o' the Week. Each week, or thereabouts, I'll post a new MP3 from my collection and a brief description/review/self-indulgent ramble about the song. Here is this week's selection, "Prince Valium" by Joe Pernice, off his 2000 album Big Tobacco. Pernice is the best songwriter going in America today, as far as I'm concerned, and this song is a perfect example of the Pernice formula: cynical, bitter lyrics tied to a beautiful, soaring pop chorus.

Time for another installment of Fun with Hotmail. And possibly coming soon: Fun with Referrals.

FWD: it CAN rise (A positive mental attitude is the first step in overcoming erectile dysfunction.)

Dirty Deeds (I didn't open the e-mail to find out if these dirty deeds were, indeed, done dirt cheap.)

This Camera Makes A Fantastic Endowment (The unholy marriage of the X10 spam and the penis lengthening spam. When they merge with the bisexual cam girls spam, the result will be a truly unstoppable force.)

Wanna become a professional bingo player? (Sorry, ever since my ill-fated foray into professional canasta, I've been jaded by the big money, high stakes world of professional sports.)

what does she say about the length of your (OK, nothing special about this, but the sender is "erin moran." Joanie, no!)

Outrageous nutty hotties ("Nutty"? I'm envisioning naked women wearing novelty nose glasses and doing Jerry Lewis impressions. Let's just move on.)

Split her cum muffler apart ("Cum muffler" makes me laugh. So sue me.)

Here's a link to my MP3 playlist, which I'll update from time to time. And if you want to swap MP3s, e-mail me at the address to the side or flag me down on WinMX. (I'd be particularly interested in MP3s from the Pebbles garage rock series, obscure psych, rockabilly, 50's r&b/rock and roll, etc. etc.)

You've undoubtedly noticed the ads at the top of this blog and every other blog run by freeloaders at Blogspot. I'd like to take this opportunity to review some of the ads I've had on this blog and see if they meet the strenuous standards needed to receive the Vitamin B Glandular Show's coveted "Eh, It's OK" seal of customer tolerance.

- Jimmy Reed CD. I heartily endorse this product - Jimmy Reed was a fine bluesman and one of the key architects of the urban blues and r&b that was later cannibalized in the invention of rock and roll. I own this, which is apparently out of print, but just get a Jimmy Reed CD with "Bright Lights, Big City" and "Ain't That Lovin' You Baby" and you'll be all right.

- "Learn How to Play Like Eric Clapton" guitar instructional thingy. I don't recommend this. Clapton was always overrated (aside from Cream and "Bellbottom Blues"), and if you want to ape an old blues guitar player, pick one of the ones that Clapton ripped off.

- Old fashioned ice cream maker. Yeah, OK, if you're into that kind of thing. I just wish they called it "Fantabulous Old Fashioned Ice Cream Contraption" or something similarly archaic.

- American Cancer Society. I am firmly against cancer, and if that offends anyone, then so be it. Some things just need to be said.

- Buy CD at Amazon - U2, Santana, David Gray. OK, I use Amazon at times, but c'mon. This blog is not responsible for any physical damage or mental distress that may result from purchasing a Santana or David Gray CD.

- Beds and mattresses. I have no objection to these items. Personally, I don't use them, since I always fall asleep in the corner of the room in the fetal position weeping. But if you're one of those "bed people," then go buy one.

I recently read a couple of John Updike’s Rabbit novels. While I appreciate Updike’s wordsmithery, the overall effect after reading them is somewhat underwhelming. First off, Rabbit Angstrom is a rather unredeemable and uninteresting protagonist - too self-absorbed and manipulative to connect with emotionally, too shallow and unreflective to be one of those characters you’d hate in real life but appreciate for their insight on a fictional stage. I’m not asking for a white hat to root for, but you’ve got to give me somebody who’s got some qualities in their favor, else I’ll be wishing for mass carnage and destruction halfway through just to ward off the tedium.

Another problem I have with these novels is the lack of characterization given to the female characters. Women in the Rabbit novels are presented as shallow cardboard figures, obstacles in Rabbit’s way as he pursues what he wants. (For that matter, most of the other male characters are portrayed in a similar manner, but even the reverend that tries to set Rabbit straight is better characterized than Rabbit’s wife or girlfriend.) At least give the reader a greater idea about the effects that Rabbit’s manipulations have on other people, if nothing else.

When it comes to pre-JFK assassination American middle class angst, I prefer Raymond Carver over Updike. Carver had a knack for poignant characterization and the ability to capture the isolating aspects of modern life that’s more resonant for me than Updike’s somewhat detached perspective.

Another Peoplesforum-inspired entry - here are my 25 favorite albums at this particular moment, in rough chronological order, subject to change at any moment based on personal whims:

Skip James, Complete Early Recordings 1930
various artists, Masters of the Delta Blues - The Friends of Charlie Patton
Thelonious Monk, Genius of Modern Music vol. 1 and 2
Howlin’ Wolf, The Chess Box
Chuck Berry, The Great Twenty Eight
Miles Davis, Round About Midnight
Hank Mobley, Soul Station
John Coltrane, Giant Steps
Jerry Butler, Best of
Pink Floyd, Piper at the Gates of Dawn
Rolling Stones, Let it Bleed
Stooges, Fun House
Al Green, Greatest Hits
Steely Dan, The Royal Scam
The Clash, s/t (US version)
Wire, Chairs Missing
Mission of Burma, Signals Calls and Marches
X, Los Angeles
Gang of Four, Solid Gold
The Fall, Grotesque
Pavement, Slanted and Enchanted
Afghan Whigs, Gentlemen
Scud Mountain Boys, Massachusetts
Radiohead, OK Computer
Dismemberment Plan, Emergency and I

Best Songs About Trying to Convince a Young Woman to Give Up Prostitution

1. “I Want to Help You Ann,” Lyres
2. “Roxanne,” Police

Well, a professionally mandated good time was had by all at this weekend's annual VBGS Corporate Retreat and Muffin Bakeoff. We bonded through trustbuilding exercises like "Credit Card Number Roulette" and "Let Your Wife Sleep With Peterson in Marketing." We listened to professional motivational speaker Brad McMichaels, who informed us that "motivation is the onion in the hamburger of success." (Or some equally tortured metaphor like that; honestly, there was a pretty good buzz going in the room at that point, so who knows.) Drunken admissions of mutual affections, barely contained hostility and bitter morning after recriminations were the order of the day. Now, we're rested and ready to provide more faintly bemusing bloggertainment (Like that? Just one of the many buzzwords you can look forward to in the coming year) to the four or five people who stumble onto this site each week. Also, we promise that this is the last entry where we use the royal we.

Three things that rule at this given location in the time-space continuum:

1. Ben and Jerry's brownie batter ice cream. I almost gave up on Ben and Jerry's after they tried switching over all their flavors to that "2-Twisted" format, but they've finally come through with a delicious new flavor. Not quite as salmonellicious as real brownie batter, but an acceptable simulacrum nevertheless.

2. Only three months until season 3 of Mr. Show comes out on DVD. I don't need to tell you that you need to own this, right? Best season of the funniest sketch comedy show ever. (Yes, I rank Python a close second, though I might feel differently if I came of age in 70's England instead of 90's America.)

3. New Radiohead album. Haven't heard all of it, but approve greatly of what I've heard so far. I'm still a OK Computer loyalist over Kid A and Amnesiac; too much meandering atmospherics on the last two albums, and the new album sounds more like the former than the latter.

This blog will be on hiatus for the next week while the author fails the CPA exam. Here are some exciting features in the works that will debut after I return:

- clever observations about airplane food, the differences between men and women, and why white people are so stiff and uptight

- the long awaited conclusion to the “Ed Gein Joins the Cast of ‘Trading Spaces’” sketch

- political commentary guaranteed to reinforce your preexisting opinions and stimulate no original thought or insightful debate

- a complete guide to which C-list celebrities are gay and straight (hint: huge shocker about Britt Ekland)

- excerpts from my one man show, Lovers Lane, about the tempestuous love life of pro bowling legend Earl Anthony

- a full listing of all the plot holes in the Nancy Drew mystery novels

- full frontal nudity