Inspired by Freedom Fries, here’s my first attempt at a McSweeney's-esque piece:

Other Anti-French Alterations to American Culture

Schoolkids required to sing “Where is Thumbkin?” instead of “Frere Jacques”

Champagne renamed “Overpriced, Pretentious Fermented Grape Beverage”

LeBeau edited out of all Hogan’s Heroes reruns

“Croissant” now pronounced like it’s spelled, just ‘cause it pisses those frogs off

All hot dogs will be served with Gulden's instead of French's (sorry, but we must make sacrifices in war)

All Pepe LePew cartoons include new scene where the female cat with the white stripe knees Pepe in the balls and belittles his manhood

Mardi Gras renamed “Tits ‘n Vomit Week”