I think it's time to officially declare that the rich comedy vein of having white people talk like black people has finally been tapped out. "Bringing Down the House" and "Heads of State" - both of which look horrible despite starring the likes of Steve Martin and Chris Rock - have officially killed this whole routine. Every hack comedy writer now thinks that getting old white people to say "fo shizzle my nizzle" or something is a sure recipe for Instant Laffs. So let's all pour a 40 on the curb for Herbert Kornfeld and move on with our lives. Here's some suggestions for new wacky affectations for the desperate comedian:

- 19th century Russian dauphins
- Bulgarians
- members of Styx cover bands
- process servers
- TV weathermen
- grizzled prospectors
- lawn furniture salesmen
- Mormons