Friday, July 23, 2004

A notice to all shareholders of the Vitamin B Glandular Show:

There have been rumblings of discontent over the past several months regarding our corporate direction. Rumors of massive stock selloffs, corporate takeovers and (even, shockingly) changes in our managerial structure have set Wall Street ablaze, or at least caused a moderate but persistent inflammation. I would like to take this opportunity to dispel some of the negative impressions that you may have about this blog and assure you that the Vitamin B Glandular Show is the best sorta-humor, sorta-pop culture, mostly self-indulgent blog for your investment dollar. Our shareholders aren't just the suckers whose cash we grabbed at the first available opportunity, you're our family, and like any members of our family, it is important that we recognize your concerns in a way that validates your feelings without forcing us to make any actual changes in our behavior.

First, let me assure you that our financial picture is much rosier than those bastards in the Wall Street Journal continue to report. This graph would seem to indicate that we're worth more money than we were a while ago. (I'm not sure, but the arrow going up is good, right?) And those rumors about profits being diverted for a massive Tecate-fueled Cinco de Mayo celebration  have been overblown by a sensationalistic media. Rest assured that we are cooperating with the SEC and no wrongdoing has been proven in a court of law as of this message.

Secondly, we are sensitive to the needs of our client base. We've conducted extensive consumer research that will ensure that future entries appeal to a broader segment of our readership. (We've found that 97% of the visitors of this site located it via a search for "paris saddam video," so look for a noted increase in videos featuring hotel heiress skanks and/or deposed Middle Eastern dictators in the near future.) And for those of you who have complained about the template, you will be pleased to note that a committee has been formed that will effort to plan to recommend a potential change to the look of this site.

Finally, let me make my personal commitment to our shareholders that we will do our level best to make your investment worthwhile. Even though I have no idea how this Blogshares thing works, or how the hell my site landed on it in the first place, we are dedicated to making your investment a success. We are proactively creating a dynamic environment through streamlining, better efficiency and strategic enhancement to meet the changing, complex needs of today's market base. Also, paradigm.

My great-great-grandfather founded this blog with a few bricks, a container of Testor's airplane glue, and a dream. That dream was to exploit a minor internet trend for personal gain. And while we have failed miserably at this goal, we continue to carry forward with that same simple vision. The Vitamin B Glandular Show and you: a winning team for the 21st century!

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