New year's resolutions:

- Only drink Robitussin for legitimate cold and cough prevention purposes

- Add excitement to mundane job by replacing random words in audit reports with Hungarian curses

- Stop ending most conversations with the phrase "ah, who the hell cares, we all die in the end anyway"

- Also, quit using the phrase "yeah, that's what SHE said"

- Stop annoying habit of singing or referencing "(Don't Go Back to) Rockville" every time I drive in, around, or past Rockville, MD

- Keep lies on next week's jury duty questionnaire to a legally defensible minimum

- Cut down on habit of strangling hobos to one per month (two in August)

- Practice kindness, understanding and tolerance for all my fellow human beings. Except for Tom Skerritt. Fuck him and everything he stands for. (God, even typing his name makes me want to vomit.)

Oh, OK, fo' reals:

- Pass the goddamned CPA exam, assuming I didn't pass in November

- Continue doomed, pointless search for ----------

- Reduce reflexive misanthropy and cynicism

- Stop procrastinating so much with regards to writing and reading

That oughta be enough for one year. Happy 2004, everyone.